Let me start out by saying that I am, by no means, a good driver. But at least I know how to drive. I know the difference between a stop sign and a stop light. I know that both of them mean "STOP." I know that you do not turn left when there is a car going straight right in front of you. There are just some things I know. And I may drive like a grandma and sometimes pull up on curbs, but at least I can move down the road without causing an accident.
But there are some people who just don't get it.
Like last month, for example. I was driving straight down the road, when someone decided to turn left in front of me! It was pretty icy out, and I had to swerve to the left a little bit to miss them, because I couldn't stop. And then then just looked straight ahead like nothing happened, and if anything did happen, it certainly wasn't their fault.
And then the other day, I was stopped at a red light, and all of a sudden, this guy stops next to me, sees that nothing is coming, and decides to go. Go?! It's RED! It isn't a stop sign, it's a red light! And last time I checked, red meant "Stop until it turns green!" But, no, not for this guy. Not for this other guy, either, a couple months ago, who just railed right past the red light without stopping at all.
One more thing that happened just recently happened in a parking lot, another thing that I hate. Anyway, I was driving straight into the parking lot at Wal Mart, and there's a stop sign for people coming out of the parking lot. I went to turn left into the parking lot, and there was a girl coming straight out of the parking lot. Thinking she would stop at her stop sign, I started to turn. But she didn't stop. So I hit my brakes, and thankfully no one was behind me. And then she pulls ahead, slows to nearly a stop next to me, and then glares at me, like I'm the stupid one!
Well, guess what, world?
I'm not!
I know how to drive down the road without pulling out in front of people. I know how to stop. I know when to turn and when not to. And I also don't honk at people randomly when they don't do anything wrong (which happens too often). But that's a whole different story...
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Unlikeable Narrators
Ok, so I'm a writer. And if you're not a writer or a reader, you probably won't get this. But it's something that just makes me angry.
The number one rule for writing fiction is...well, it's "Write about what you know," if you ask most people.
But the other most important rule is "Love your characters."
And the thing is, some authors don't.
I read a book this summer (young adult fiction, of course, because that's my thing), and I thought it'd be really fun, easy, beach reading. However, it wasn't fun. It was awful.
I guess I won't name the author or book title, because assuming my blog ever becomes a viral hit and this author comes across it, I don't want to hurt her feelings. But I'll say what it's about. It's about this girl who has gotten to college, and decides she doesn't want to go, and she packs up and moves back home. And then, throughout the entire book, she lays around the house and whines and complains, even though her dad is super nice, and doesn't even make her get a job until the middle of the book. Oh, and here's another really winning part: Her mother lives in Europe, and she whines and complains when her mother asks her if she wants to live in Europe with her! Are you kidding me? You get a free trip to Europe and you complain about it?
So I read through the whole book, thinking this girl was going to find her ultimate dream and go achieve it. But really, she gets a job, visits some friends, rekindles some relationships with her siblings, but continues to be a huge brat.
And then, I just read this historical fiction book for class. It's from the point of view of this slaver's wife, and so I understand why the character wouldn't exactly be likeable. I mean, she's got it in her mind that slavery is good, blah, blah, blah. So I can see that. But it's very clear that the author doesn't even love this character. In fact, on the back of the book, she calls this character "monstrously self-absorbed."
Monstrously self-absorbed?! That's not how you talk about your characters!
Go ahead and make the most awful character you want. I'm fine with it. Voldemort is pretty awful. But I'm not reading a book from his point of view!
But the second you write a narrator who's a miserable, monstrous person, then I don't want to read it! And if you do make a terrible character, at least have some qualities you like about them.
Please. Ugh.
Just love your characters!
The number one rule for writing fiction is...well, it's "Write about what you know," if you ask most people.
But the other most important rule is "Love your characters."
And the thing is, some authors don't.
I read a book this summer (young adult fiction, of course, because that's my thing), and I thought it'd be really fun, easy, beach reading. However, it wasn't fun. It was awful.
I guess I won't name the author or book title, because assuming my blog ever becomes a viral hit and this author comes across it, I don't want to hurt her feelings. But I'll say what it's about. It's about this girl who has gotten to college, and decides she doesn't want to go, and she packs up and moves back home. And then, throughout the entire book, she lays around the house and whines and complains, even though her dad is super nice, and doesn't even make her get a job until the middle of the book. Oh, and here's another really winning part: Her mother lives in Europe, and she whines and complains when her mother asks her if she wants to live in Europe with her! Are you kidding me? You get a free trip to Europe and you complain about it?
So I read through the whole book, thinking this girl was going to find her ultimate dream and go achieve it. But really, she gets a job, visits some friends, rekindles some relationships with her siblings, but continues to be a huge brat.
And then, I just read this historical fiction book for class. It's from the point of view of this slaver's wife, and so I understand why the character wouldn't exactly be likeable. I mean, she's got it in her mind that slavery is good, blah, blah, blah. So I can see that. But it's very clear that the author doesn't even love this character. In fact, on the back of the book, she calls this character "monstrously self-absorbed."
Monstrously self-absorbed?! That's not how you talk about your characters!
Go ahead and make the most awful character you want. I'm fine with it. Voldemort is pretty awful. But I'm not reading a book from his point of view!
But the second you write a narrator who's a miserable, monstrous person, then I don't want to read it! And if you do make a terrible character, at least have some qualities you like about them.
Please. Ugh.
Just love your characters!
Texting in Class
I'm not a professor. But I'm a senior, and sometimes, especially in classes with freshmen and sophomores, I feel like a professor. And I really get annoyed by these people sometimes, because they have no idea how to behave in class. Often, they text during the discussion.
I can't stand that clicking noise. It's so loud. At least try to be a little discrete.
Oh, but, wait. The thing is, they do try to be discrete. They hold their phones underneath their desks. Because it doesn't look suspicious when you're sitting there staring at your lap. A little weird? Yes. Suspicious? Also, yes.
So I hate it. It's not like I get very distracted over it. I just think it's very disrespectful. And kinda dumb, since you're paying tens of thousands of dollars to be in class.
But I guess that's why I'm a senior, and that's why I do well in my classes. Because I have a long enough attention span to sit through 2 hours without texting "lol" and "asap" and "c u l8er" to my friends.
Gosh, I feel kinda old...
I can't stand that clicking noise. It's so loud. At least try to be a little discrete.
Oh, but, wait. The thing is, they do try to be discrete. They hold their phones underneath their desks. Because it doesn't look suspicious when you're sitting there staring at your lap. A little weird? Yes. Suspicious? Also, yes.
So I hate it. It's not like I get very distracted over it. I just think it's very disrespectful. And kinda dumb, since you're paying tens of thousands of dollars to be in class.
But I guess that's why I'm a senior, and that's why I do well in my classes. Because I have a long enough attention span to sit through 2 hours without texting "lol" and "asap" and "c u l8er" to my friends.
Gosh, I feel kinda old...
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Internet Connection
Here it is. Something else I hate. And this one, I hate very, very much.
As a matter of fact, while I was typing this, my internet decided to cut out. Thank you, Charter! Last night, I was freaking out about how much I hate computers (when in reality I meant the internet), and I said I was going to blog about it. And my sister so comically replied, "If you can get online."
Because here's the deal with my internet: sometimes, out of nowhere, it will disconnect. Magically. All by itself. Which may be my fault, because I did name my wireless router Harry Potter. And it could be doing spells to shut itself down.
But somehow I doubt that.
I'll be in the middle of something really important, like watching America's Next Top Model online, and my internet will just stop. I'll see this little flashing red light on my router, telling me to prepare to freak out. So I'll unplug all my internet hardware. And I'll leave it unplugged for thirty seconds, just like Charter always tells me to do. And when I plug it back in and expect it to work, it doesn't.
Just great.
And what else is just special, is when I try to call Charter about my internet, and sit on hold for an hour. I'm not kidding. One hour. To be told to unplug my stuff and plug it back in. And it works for two days, or in the last case, two hours. And then it stops.
So, tired of waiting on hold (and they don't even have music, they have talking advertisements), I decided to chat with them online. But how am I supposed to chat with them online when my internet isn't working?!
It's a vicious, vicious cycle.
And other than internet connection, I don't have much of a problem with the internet. In fact, I love many of the web sites the internet provides me with. I mean, I can Google anything I want, and I can get up-to-the-minute news on celebrities. And I have this really cool weather widgit on my desktop. So, besides the disgusting message boards that show pictures of skinned animals, the internet's great. If only you didn't have to connect to it...
Let's see if my connection holds up long enough to post this...
As a matter of fact, while I was typing this, my internet decided to cut out. Thank you, Charter! Last night, I was freaking out about how much I hate computers (when in reality I meant the internet), and I said I was going to blog about it. And my sister so comically replied, "If you can get online."
Because here's the deal with my internet: sometimes, out of nowhere, it will disconnect. Magically. All by itself. Which may be my fault, because I did name my wireless router Harry Potter. And it could be doing spells to shut itself down.
But somehow I doubt that.
I'll be in the middle of something really important, like watching America's Next Top Model online, and my internet will just stop. I'll see this little flashing red light on my router, telling me to prepare to freak out. So I'll unplug all my internet hardware. And I'll leave it unplugged for thirty seconds, just like Charter always tells me to do. And when I plug it back in and expect it to work, it doesn't.
Just great.
And what else is just special, is when I try to call Charter about my internet, and sit on hold for an hour. I'm not kidding. One hour. To be told to unplug my stuff and plug it back in. And it works for two days, or in the last case, two hours. And then it stops.
So, tired of waiting on hold (and they don't even have music, they have talking advertisements), I decided to chat with them online. But how am I supposed to chat with them online when my internet isn't working?!
It's a vicious, vicious cycle.
And other than internet connection, I don't have much of a problem with the internet. In fact, I love many of the web sites the internet provides me with. I mean, I can Google anything I want, and I can get up-to-the-minute news on celebrities. And I have this really cool weather widgit on my desktop. So, besides the disgusting message boards that show pictures of skinned animals, the internet's great. If only you didn't have to connect to it...
Let's see if my connection holds up long enough to post this...
Computers
Now don't get me wrong. I'm thankful for technology, and how far we've come over the years. But nothing makes me more angry than dealing with computers! Because no matter how good a computer is, it always, ALWAYS screws up somehow.
I hate nothing more than frozen computers. When my laptop freezes up (which thankfully hasn't happened much with my new one), I tend to beat on the keys. As if this is really going to help. Let's be honest, it doesn't help at all. In fact, it probably contributes to the crapiness that is my laptop. But something this stupid deserves to be beaten.
Another reason why I hate computers is that they enjoy crashing. When I was little, I somehow burnt up our computer monitor. For real. I was on it, and it started ticking, and next thing I knew, there were flames in the side of it. And what did I do? Nothing. Now, I know this isn't a computer per se, but it's close enough. If you need another example of computers crashing for the fun of it, I had a laptop my freshman year, and right before school started my sophomore year, the hard drive decided to blow up. Well, not technically, but you get the point. My computer was just blue every time I turned it on. It was lovely. And then I had to get a new hard drive put in, which was a step up in Windows, and everything was messed up and I didn't know how to use it.
The next thing I hate that has to do with computers is...
Well, that's a story all of it's own. You'll see.
I hate nothing more than frozen computers. When my laptop freezes up (which thankfully hasn't happened much with my new one), I tend to beat on the keys. As if this is really going to help. Let's be honest, it doesn't help at all. In fact, it probably contributes to the crapiness that is my laptop. But something this stupid deserves to be beaten.
Another reason why I hate computers is that they enjoy crashing. When I was little, I somehow burnt up our computer monitor. For real. I was on it, and it started ticking, and next thing I knew, there were flames in the side of it. And what did I do? Nothing. Now, I know this isn't a computer per se, but it's close enough. If you need another example of computers crashing for the fun of it, I had a laptop my freshman year, and right before school started my sophomore year, the hard drive decided to blow up. Well, not technically, but you get the point. My computer was just blue every time I turned it on. It was lovely. And then I had to get a new hard drive put in, which was a step up in Windows, and everything was messed up and I didn't know how to use it.
The next thing I hate that has to do with computers is...
Well, that's a story all of it's own. You'll see.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Unnecessary Sequels
I know you know what I'm talking about when I say that I hate unnecessary sequels. There's nothing worse than an unnecessary sequel to ruin your favorite movie. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate all sequels. Quite the contrary. Some sequels-- planned sequels-- can be awesome. But some, well...here's a list. You'll see what I mean.
Saw II through Saw VI- Because it's really necessary to make five more movies full of screaming and blood and gnawing off arms. Come to think of it, Saw I was pretty unnecessary, too.
Pirates of the Caribbean IV- This is my favorite cinematic series of all time. I should say, my favorite trilogy of all time. Because that's what it was supposed to be. But now here comes a number four. Dang. I mean, I love Johnny Depp to the end, but there's no Will or Elizabeth! You can't just cut people out. Come on, Gore Verbinski! Oh, wait, no Gore Verbinski? I rest my case.
Boondock Saints II- All Saints Day. Really? I don't remember much about this movie, but from what I remember, there was no reason to make a sequel. I mean, it's not like this was a huge summer blockbuster. It was sort of a cult hit, which don't usually demand sequels. But it's kind of like...
Donnie Darko II- I'm sorry, S. Darko. Donnie's little sister, apparently. I never saw it. I didn't like the depressing first one, I'm certainly not gonna watch the sequel. But, I mean, it did get a whopping 3.9 stars on IMDB...so maybe I should give it a chance.
Taxi Driver II- Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me? Yeah, I'm talking to you, Scorsese. This movie is 34 years old. Robert DeNiro is old and pudgy. Give it a rest.
Land Before Time II through XVII- Ok, so I don't really know how many Land Before Time movies there are. But, I mean, how many times can the entire dinosaur population die out?
Cinderella II, Pocohontas II, Lion King II, Disney sequels in general- There are a few exceptions. I mean, I can't really think of any right now... the point is, Disney just needs to stop.
So, there you go. Unnecessary sequels. Very, very unnecessary.
Saw II through Saw VI- Because it's really necessary to make five more movies full of screaming and blood and gnawing off arms. Come to think of it, Saw I was pretty unnecessary, too.
Pirates of the Caribbean IV- This is my favorite cinematic series of all time. I should say, my favorite trilogy of all time. Because that's what it was supposed to be. But now here comes a number four. Dang. I mean, I love Johnny Depp to the end, but there's no Will or Elizabeth! You can't just cut people out. Come on, Gore Verbinski! Oh, wait, no Gore Verbinski? I rest my case.
Boondock Saints II- All Saints Day. Really? I don't remember much about this movie, but from what I remember, there was no reason to make a sequel. I mean, it's not like this was a huge summer blockbuster. It was sort of a cult hit, which don't usually demand sequels. But it's kind of like...
Donnie Darko II- I'm sorry, S. Darko. Donnie's little sister, apparently. I never saw it. I didn't like the depressing first one, I'm certainly not gonna watch the sequel. But, I mean, it did get a whopping 3.9 stars on IMDB...so maybe I should give it a chance.
Taxi Driver II- Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me? Yeah, I'm talking to you, Scorsese. This movie is 34 years old. Robert DeNiro is old and pudgy. Give it a rest.
Land Before Time II through XVII- Ok, so I don't really know how many Land Before Time movies there are. But, I mean, how many times can the entire dinosaur population die out?
Cinderella II, Pocohontas II, Lion King II, Disney sequels in general- There are a few exceptions. I mean, I can't really think of any right now... the point is, Disney just needs to stop.
So, there you go. Unnecessary sequels. Very, very unnecessary.
Football
It's that time of the year again: Football season. Which also means it's time to throw up.
I know football is supposed to be "America's past-time" and all that, but to me, it's just boring. I mean, there's once in awhile when the guy will get the ball and run super fast down the entire field to get a touchdown, and that's exciting. But that's such a rare occurrence. Most of the time, it's large men throwing each other around, and only running half a yard before they get smooshed.
In high school, our football team sucked. I mean really sucked. One year, I think we didn't even win a game. Even to the team that we'd beaten for 25 years straight. And that was just awful.
I happened to be a cheerleader for football one year, and I didn't know what was up or down or offense or defense or anything. I don't even think I knew what a fumble was. And from all that time spent watching games while I was freezing my butt off, I still didn't learn anything.
Don't get me wrong. The Super Bowl is exciting. I mean, if not for the football, for the commercials and the half-time show and the fact that everyone in the country is watching it. But anything else-- this draft bologna, this college football garbage-- is just dead boring.
So, thanks a lot, America, for giving us such a lame past-time. Why don't we try being collective fans of something else? Like, say, the other kind of football. Now there's something to watch.
I know football is supposed to be "America's past-time" and all that, but to me, it's just boring. I mean, there's once in awhile when the guy will get the ball and run super fast down the entire field to get a touchdown, and that's exciting. But that's such a rare occurrence. Most of the time, it's large men throwing each other around, and only running half a yard before they get smooshed.
In high school, our football team sucked. I mean really sucked. One year, I think we didn't even win a game. Even to the team that we'd beaten for 25 years straight. And that was just awful.
I happened to be a cheerleader for football one year, and I didn't know what was up or down or offense or defense or anything. I don't even think I knew what a fumble was. And from all that time spent watching games while I was freezing my butt off, I still didn't learn anything.
Don't get me wrong. The Super Bowl is exciting. I mean, if not for the football, for the commercials and the half-time show and the fact that everyone in the country is watching it. But anything else-- this draft bologna, this college football garbage-- is just dead boring.
So, thanks a lot, America, for giving us such a lame past-time. Why don't we try being collective fans of something else? Like, say, the other kind of football. Now there's something to watch.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Junk Mail
Who doesn't, right?
But, I mean, sometimes my Inbox gets full of spam. Like, last year, I got back from a week-long vacation, and I had like 80 messages in my email, most of which were spam.
And I don't care if they're stupid stuff. But I get ones from Viagra.
Viagra? Really?
1.) I am not an old man.
2.) I am not a sexually-frustrated man.
3.) I am not a man.
And the weirdest part is that the Viagra e-mails come from my own email address. No lie. It creeps me out. A lot.
But, I mean, sometimes my Inbox gets full of spam. Like, last year, I got back from a week-long vacation, and I had like 80 messages in my email, most of which were spam.
And I don't care if they're stupid stuff. But I get ones from Viagra.
Viagra? Really?
1.) I am not an old man.
2.) I am not a sexually-frustrated man.
3.) I am not a man.
And the weirdest part is that the Viagra e-mails come from my own email address. No lie. It creeps me out. A lot.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Babies on Planes
I think they're worse than snakes on planes.
Ha ha.
I'd never had babies on my flights before. Well, there were toddlers, but they didn't cry or anything. But recently, on the way back from Georgia to Detroit, there were several babies. And they all cried. The whole entire time.
It was just fantastic.
I get sick and groggy on planes anyway, and the last thing I want to do is listen to babies scream. Seriously. I know it's not their fault, but it's still pretty annoying.
And then, on the way from Detroit back home, there was another baby. We were lucky enough to be sitting right in front of it. It was screaming its head off! I think it was really young, and its poor ears were probably popping and whatever else. It was kind of sad, almost. But still annoying.
Oh, and I use the word "it" because I don't know if it was a boy or a girl. Not because I'm just completely heartless.
We had four plane rides all together, two going down and two coming back. So, going down, we flew into Orlando. And on the way to Orlando, something strange happened (other than a ton of icky turbulance). It doesn't have to do with babies, but it does have to do with a little kid.
This little boy got up and went to the bathroom. He had been sitting in the seat in front of us. I had to go really bad and had already waited like six people, because I didn't want to get up and wait. But this time, I decided I was going to stand up and wait by the bathroom door to ensure myself a spot at the toilet.
So I stood up and I waited. And waited. And waited some more. I swore this kid fell in! I think I was standing up there for like six minutes. I started getting worried. I'm like, "Should I tell the flight attendant? What if he locked himself in?" But I guess he didn't. Because after about eight minutes (or, at least it felt like that long), he came out. The bathroom didn't smell bad or anything, either. So, whatever, kid.
Aww, the joys of flying.
I love that you can get places so quick, but there are so, so many things I hate about planes.
More to come later, I'm sure.
Ha ha.
I'd never had babies on my flights before. Well, there were toddlers, but they didn't cry or anything. But recently, on the way back from Georgia to Detroit, there were several babies. And they all cried. The whole entire time.
It was just fantastic.
I get sick and groggy on planes anyway, and the last thing I want to do is listen to babies scream. Seriously. I know it's not their fault, but it's still pretty annoying.
And then, on the way from Detroit back home, there was another baby. We were lucky enough to be sitting right in front of it. It was screaming its head off! I think it was really young, and its poor ears were probably popping and whatever else. It was kind of sad, almost. But still annoying.
Oh, and I use the word "it" because I don't know if it was a boy or a girl. Not because I'm just completely heartless.
We had four plane rides all together, two going down and two coming back. So, going down, we flew into Orlando. And on the way to Orlando, something strange happened (other than a ton of icky turbulance). It doesn't have to do with babies, but it does have to do with a little kid.
This little boy got up and went to the bathroom. He had been sitting in the seat in front of us. I had to go really bad and had already waited like six people, because I didn't want to get up and wait. But this time, I decided I was going to stand up and wait by the bathroom door to ensure myself a spot at the toilet.
So I stood up and I waited. And waited. And waited some more. I swore this kid fell in! I think I was standing up there for like six minutes. I started getting worried. I'm like, "Should I tell the flight attendant? What if he locked himself in?" But I guess he didn't. Because after about eight minutes (or, at least it felt like that long), he came out. The bathroom didn't smell bad or anything, either. So, whatever, kid.
Aww, the joys of flying.
I love that you can get places so quick, but there are so, so many things I hate about planes.
More to come later, I'm sure.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Brownies
Yes, ma'am, you heard right. I hate brownies.
I normally say I hate chocolate, but that's not completely true. I love hot chocolate and chocolate milk and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, and a few other select chocolaty treats, including Swiss chocolate! Yum!
Just not brownies.
I can't even stand the smell of them baking. It just smells so thick and chocolaty and I feel like, just from smelling it, the chocolate is going to sneak into your nostrils and harden into gooey treats right inside your nose.
Brownies are like heaven to some people. Most people, in fact. But not me. I want to like them, I really do, because they look delicious. But then I try them, and I realize they're not good at all. And I'm sorry if there's someone out there who makes the "best brownies ever." I'm sure they're scrumptious. Just keep them away from me.
What really grosses me out is when people eat, like, a brownie with chocolate ice cream on top, and hot fudge on top of that, and some chocolate chips thrown on. I just want to give them a glass of water. Or an insulin shot.
Just one bite of a brownie leaves that pure squishy chocolate taste inside my mouth and turn my spit brown and thick. So that's why I, personally, say 'no' to brownies.
Are you happy, world? More brownies for you.
I normally say I hate chocolate, but that's not completely true. I love hot chocolate and chocolate milk and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, and a few other select chocolaty treats, including Swiss chocolate! Yum!
Just not brownies.
I can't even stand the smell of them baking. It just smells so thick and chocolaty and I feel like, just from smelling it, the chocolate is going to sneak into your nostrils and harden into gooey treats right inside your nose.
Brownies are like heaven to some people. Most people, in fact. But not me. I want to like them, I really do, because they look delicious. But then I try them, and I realize they're not good at all. And I'm sorry if there's someone out there who makes the "best brownies ever." I'm sure they're scrumptious. Just keep them away from me.
What really grosses me out is when people eat, like, a brownie with chocolate ice cream on top, and hot fudge on top of that, and some chocolate chips thrown on. I just want to give them a glass of water. Or an insulin shot.
Just one bite of a brownie leaves that pure squishy chocolate taste inside my mouth and turn my spit brown and thick. So that's why I, personally, say 'no' to brownies.
Are you happy, world? More brownies for you.
Umbrellas
In honor of this rainy day, I will officially say that I hate umbrellas. There you go. It's down in writing. Virtual writing, even! This stuff doesn't go away!
Yes, umbrellas can be great. I mean, they come in some pretty awesome color schemes and patterns. And then there's the whole part about them keeping you dry in the pouring rain.
But even so, I hate them.
And here's why: because in these parts, it's windy. Super windy. RIDICULOUSLY WINDY! And umbrellas and wind do not mesh well together.
And by, "do not mesh well together," I mean, "do not mesh well at all."
I had this umbrella once, not anything great, but it was an umbrella, and it worked. I'd taken it up to school so that I could use it when I had to walk to class in the pouring rain. So it sat in my dorm room for a few months in the fall, until one day I decided to take it out. Here I am with my umbrella opened up, riding my bike back to my dorm from work, and all of a sudden, a gigantic gust of wind comes and turns my umbrella inside out! I struggled with it, trying to get it back to normal, but the spokes were already bent and broken and poking out in every direction.
So in the middle of the rainstorm, I had to put the umbrella down and try to stuff it in my backpack. Except putting a sopping wet umbrella that has spokes jutting out from it on every side in a backpack isn't really a smart idea. When I realized this, I decided to carry the umbrella the rest of the way home. And it was dripping on my foot every time I pedaled. But, I mean, since it was pouring down rain, those water droplets on my shoes didn't really matter much.
This was only one instance of umbrella madness. I have a feeling this happened to me once before this, but I don't remember the gory details. All I remember is wondering why I would want to tote an umbrella around if it's just going to break on me. I'd rather be soaking wet.
Umbrellas may work for Mary Poppins, but they sure as heck don't work for me.
Yes, umbrellas can be great. I mean, they come in some pretty awesome color schemes and patterns. And then there's the whole part about them keeping you dry in the pouring rain.
But even so, I hate them.
And here's why: because in these parts, it's windy. Super windy. RIDICULOUSLY WINDY! And umbrellas and wind do not mesh well together.
And by, "do not mesh well together," I mean, "do not mesh well at all."
I had this umbrella once, not anything great, but it was an umbrella, and it worked. I'd taken it up to school so that I could use it when I had to walk to class in the pouring rain. So it sat in my dorm room for a few months in the fall, until one day I decided to take it out. Here I am with my umbrella opened up, riding my bike back to my dorm from work, and all of a sudden, a gigantic gust of wind comes and turns my umbrella inside out! I struggled with it, trying to get it back to normal, but the spokes were already bent and broken and poking out in every direction.
So in the middle of the rainstorm, I had to put the umbrella down and try to stuff it in my backpack. Except putting a sopping wet umbrella that has spokes jutting out from it on every side in a backpack isn't really a smart idea. When I realized this, I decided to carry the umbrella the rest of the way home. And it was dripping on my foot every time I pedaled. But, I mean, since it was pouring down rain, those water droplets on my shoes didn't really matter much.
This was only one instance of umbrella madness. I have a feeling this happened to me once before this, but I don't remember the gory details. All I remember is wondering why I would want to tote an umbrella around if it's just going to break on me. I'd rather be soaking wet.
Umbrellas may work for Mary Poppins, but they sure as heck don't work for me.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Baseball Caps
Ok, so I know they're supposed to be the American thing, or whatever. But I think they're ridiculous. I think they're tacky, and I don't think they ever make someone look better. I'm sorry, but I don't. And I especially hate them on women. No offense, ladies. They just make everyone look like tourists!
I mean, if you're out fishing that's fine. If you're actually a baseball player, that's fine too. But other than a few certain circumstances, I'm pretty sure they should be banned from the human wardrobe.
I'd never owned a baseball cap until sixth grade, when we had to go to this week-long outdoor camp, and they recommended everyone bring baseball caps. And I never wore one by choice since.
I had to wear one last summer when I worked in the deli at this grocery store. It was a black Kretschmar hat, which was the type of meat we sliced. Classy, right? And I was always messing with it, adjusting it and whatnot, with my gloves on, and then it would be all full of powder. Some old man even commented on my hat once. "I like your hat," he said, thinking he was being all funny. Whatever.
I also have to wear a hat at the school cafeteria I work at. It's huge and I wear it down over my eyes, so that the only way I can even see what I'm doing is to lift my whole face up and look like a total nerd. Or run into everything, which I do quite often. I forget that I have this hat on my head which has this huge brim sticking out, and I often run into the wall. It's extremely annoying. I understand people don't want hair in their food, and hairnets are pretty ugly, not to mention creepy, so I'm not saying they should ban caps from the workplace. I'm just saying I hate wearing them.
I'll make one thing clear: I don't have a problem with all hats. Some hats can be fun. I have this Fidel Castro hat I love to wear, which I think is fine, because it's more rock 'n' roll than, "Hey, let's go play some catch! In Florida! Where I'm on vacation!"
Also, straw hats and huge horse race hats are fun, too. And old-fashioned hats. It's only baseball caps that make me want to scream.
And I'm not gonna lie, some people can actually pull them off. But when people, especially women, think it's fashionable to start wearing your baseball cap and pulling your ponytail through the little opening in the back, it just makes me cringe. It's even worse when guys start doing this.
It's not fashionable. It's not cute. The only way it will make your head look better is if you're going bald.
I'm not saying I hate the people that wear baseball caps, because I don't, not at all. I'm just saying you won't catch me in one. Outside of work, that is.
And did I mention they make your ears stick out really, really far?
I mean, if you're out fishing that's fine. If you're actually a baseball player, that's fine too. But other than a few certain circumstances, I'm pretty sure they should be banned from the human wardrobe.
I'd never owned a baseball cap until sixth grade, when we had to go to this week-long outdoor camp, and they recommended everyone bring baseball caps. And I never wore one by choice since.
I had to wear one last summer when I worked in the deli at this grocery store. It was a black Kretschmar hat, which was the type of meat we sliced. Classy, right? And I was always messing with it, adjusting it and whatnot, with my gloves on, and then it would be all full of powder. Some old man even commented on my hat once. "I like your hat," he said, thinking he was being all funny. Whatever.
I also have to wear a hat at the school cafeteria I work at. It's huge and I wear it down over my eyes, so that the only way I can even see what I'm doing is to lift my whole face up and look like a total nerd. Or run into everything, which I do quite often. I forget that I have this hat on my head which has this huge brim sticking out, and I often run into the wall. It's extremely annoying. I understand people don't want hair in their food, and hairnets are pretty ugly, not to mention creepy, so I'm not saying they should ban caps from the workplace. I'm just saying I hate wearing them.
I'll make one thing clear: I don't have a problem with all hats. Some hats can be fun. I have this Fidel Castro hat I love to wear, which I think is fine, because it's more rock 'n' roll than, "Hey, let's go play some catch! In Florida! Where I'm on vacation!"
Also, straw hats and huge horse race hats are fun, too. And old-fashioned hats. It's only baseball caps that make me want to scream.
And I'm not gonna lie, some people can actually pull them off. But when people, especially women, think it's fashionable to start wearing your baseball cap and pulling your ponytail through the little opening in the back, it just makes me cringe. It's even worse when guys start doing this.
It's not fashionable. It's not cute. The only way it will make your head look better is if you're going bald.
I'm not saying I hate the people that wear baseball caps, because I don't, not at all. I'm just saying you won't catch me in one. Outside of work, that is.
And did I mention they make your ears stick out really, really far?
Monday, June 28, 2010
Vampires
Ok, so I read the Twilight books. And I'll admit it, I enjoyed them. Well, I enjoyed the first one a lot, and then it just went downhill from there. But the reason why I liked them was because the vampires weren't normal vampires. But then the last book came along and was just filled with typical, disgusting, vampire crap. So that's really kind of disenchanted me from the whole series. And the movies are awful. But that's another story altogether.
Anyway, back to vampires. They're everywhere right now! You literally can't go to the young adult section of a bookstore (no, I don't care that I'm 21. I love young adult fiction) without seeing a million of them. It's really, really gross. And I'm completely sick of them. I never liked them to begin with.
I had to watch Bram Stoker's Dracula in my horror film class, the one with Keanu Reeves and Sirius Black. It was probably the worst movie I've ever seen. Ok, not the worst, because I've seen much worse, including Twilight, but it was right up there. So I hate Dracula, and I will never read the book, even though it's supposed to be a classic.
I'm not just hating on Bram Stoker, though. I mean, Interview with a Vampire? Not watching it. Because I don't care about anything a vampire has to say. Blade? I watched it once. Well, I think it was Blade Trinity or Blade 3 or something ridiculous. And it was awful. I don't even think I'll watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer, even though it's supposed to be this incredible cult hit.
I don't like their fangs, I don't like their Nosferatu-style popped collars (unless Jim is mocking it on The Office), and I certainly don't like blood. Let alone drinking blood. I can't even stand seeing it come out of my own body; I don't want to watch someone suck it out of someone else's neck or drink it out of a goblet. Disgusting.
Anyway, back to vampires. They're everywhere right now! You literally can't go to the young adult section of a bookstore (no, I don't care that I'm 21. I love young adult fiction) without seeing a million of them. It's really, really gross. And I'm completely sick of them. I never liked them to begin with.
I had to watch Bram Stoker's Dracula in my horror film class, the one with Keanu Reeves and Sirius Black. It was probably the worst movie I've ever seen. Ok, not the worst, because I've seen much worse, including Twilight, but it was right up there. So I hate Dracula, and I will never read the book, even though it's supposed to be a classic.
I'm not just hating on Bram Stoker, though. I mean, Interview with a Vampire? Not watching it. Because I don't care about anything a vampire has to say. Blade? I watched it once. Well, I think it was Blade Trinity or Blade 3 or something ridiculous. And it was awful. I don't even think I'll watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer, even though it's supposed to be this incredible cult hit.
I don't like their fangs, I don't like their Nosferatu-style popped collars (unless Jim is mocking it on The Office), and I certainly don't like blood. Let alone drinking blood. I can't even stand seeing it come out of my own body; I don't want to watch someone suck it out of someone else's neck or drink it out of a goblet. Disgusting.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Parking Lots
I. Hate. Them.
Not only has my car gotten hit three times while parked, but you practically get hit every time you're in a parking lot! I'm not kidding you. No one looks where they're going when they back up. And then you've got children running around, because their parents don't have them on leashes, and they like to be right behind your car. And then there's some kind of parade of clowns that take their sweet old time walking behind your car, and you can never, ever get out of your parking spot.
Ok, that clown part hasn't happened to me. But I wouldn't doubt it if it happened tomorrow. I have a funny way of predicting the future.
Anyway, another reason why I hate parking lots, despite the fact that I don't want to have my car in the shop for body repair anymore, is phantom parkers. You know. The ones that pull so far into the parking place, that when the parking lot is crowded, you get really excited because you found that perfect spot, and it's usually really close to the building, and then you pull up, and you're about to turn in, and you find a car. Most likely it's a tiny fuel-efficient car that is so small, it can't take up the whole parking spot anyway, but you still get mad.
Not to mention, parking lots are always full. Especially when you're in a hurry, or when you're running late. Like on the few days a year I'm actually running later than usual for class, I can never find a parking spot. And then I have to park all the way across campus and basically run just to make it on time.
One more thing I dislike is when motorcycles or mopeds take up an entire spot to themselves. Come on, now. Your moped needs to take hospice in an entire parking spot all by itself? It's a moped, for crying out loud! Park it on the sidewalk.
Anyway, this brings me to the conclusion that maybe I should just walk everywhere, and then I won't have to worry about parking lots. Except when I have to walk through one, and I'm that parading person holding everyone up and trying not to get backed into.
Not only has my car gotten hit three times while parked, but you practically get hit every time you're in a parking lot! I'm not kidding you. No one looks where they're going when they back up. And then you've got children running around, because their parents don't have them on leashes, and they like to be right behind your car. And then there's some kind of parade of clowns that take their sweet old time walking behind your car, and you can never, ever get out of your parking spot.
Ok, that clown part hasn't happened to me. But I wouldn't doubt it if it happened tomorrow. I have a funny way of predicting the future.
Anyway, another reason why I hate parking lots, despite the fact that I don't want to have my car in the shop for body repair anymore, is phantom parkers. You know. The ones that pull so far into the parking place, that when the parking lot is crowded, you get really excited because you found that perfect spot, and it's usually really close to the building, and then you pull up, and you're about to turn in, and you find a car. Most likely it's a tiny fuel-efficient car that is so small, it can't take up the whole parking spot anyway, but you still get mad.
Not to mention, parking lots are always full. Especially when you're in a hurry, or when you're running late. Like on the few days a year I'm actually running later than usual for class, I can never find a parking spot. And then I have to park all the way across campus and basically run just to make it on time.
One more thing I dislike is when motorcycles or mopeds take up an entire spot to themselves. Come on, now. Your moped needs to take hospice in an entire parking spot all by itself? It's a moped, for crying out loud! Park it on the sidewalk.
Anyway, this brings me to the conclusion that maybe I should just walk everywhere, and then I won't have to worry about parking lots. Except when I have to walk through one, and I'm that parading person holding everyone up and trying not to get backed into.
Comic Sans
I had an English teacher in high school who used Comic Sans on everything she wrote for us. Whether it was an assignment sheet that told us to find the alliteration and assinins in a pop song or an essay test, it was written in Comic Sans. Which was cool, because it wasn't Times New Roman. In high school, every teacher told you to type your papers in size 12, Times New Roman, and everything they ever gave you was written in size 12, Times New Roman. So Comic Sans was really great.Until it started showing up everywhere. And the worst thing about it is that you can tell it's Comic Sans. Alright, so I'm a real nerd, and I love fonts. And I can tell what a lot of fonts are when I see them, which is one thing I pride myself on. But Comic Sans? Everyone knows what that one is. And I don't think it's cool to use a font that everyone and their brother used on MSN in the sixth grade. Let alone, use it everywhere. And for everything.
I'm not kidding you, you could have the serious letter ever-- have President Obama tell you to go directly to jail, do not pass "Go," do not collect $200-- and slap some Comic Sans on there, and you'd laugh. I'm not kidding. You'd laugh. Because not only would it look fake, but it would look cheap. And you'd be wishing he would have passed "Go" and collected those $200 so that he could afford some more expensive-looking fonts.
It took me up until a couple of years ago to realize it was Comic Sans, as in Comic, like comic books. Which is cool. But it should really stay there. If it doesn't say Boom!, Pow!, or Bang!, then it shouldn't be in Comic Sans.
And if you are writing Boom!, Pow!, or Bang!, I hope it's not for anything serious. Because that's a little strange.
Now, there are still some people out there who like Comic Sans-- not to mention any names-- and will still use it. But not me. And when I see it, I just want to die. Just a little. Because there are so many better fonts out there. Go to a free font site and download some! They're free, people. It's time to move on from Comic Sans.
I'd rather see everything in Times New Roman, I swear. Or worse, Courier.
Here's something really nerdy, that I think is pretty funny. Check it out.
http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/monologues/15comicsans.html
And if everyone starts using Comic Sans on me, I think I might die. So, please don't, or I'll hack your computer and delete it from your Font folder.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Space
Alright, I wanna start this off with a bang. No pun intended.
Well, it was. Kind of.
But anyway, getting down to the nitty-gritty...I hate space.
Yes, I know, we live in space. But that doesn't mean I have to like it.
I'm not really sure why I hate it so much. I think it's because it's all so unknown and gigantic. And kinda weird. I mean, Betelgeuse could've exploded 500 years ago and we won't know about it for another 100 years? What's that all about?
I mean, don't get me wrong. I like looking at stars and trying to find constellations as much as the next person. I found Scorpio once all by myself and got super excited. I just don't like the idea of it. I honestly get freaked out after looking at it for awhile, because I start to think about what's up there. Or who.
Which brings me to another reason I hate space: aliens. Maybe they're not real. But maybe, just maybe, they are. And what then? UFO sightings, Area 51, Roswell, all that stuff? It's terrifying. I think I'm so afraid because when I was little, my dad happened to be watching this movie about a man who gets abducted by aliens. He gets so scared when he gets back to Earth that he hides under tables to avoid being sucked up into their nasty larvae-filled space ship again. That's what I remember, at least.
But anyway, those thoughts have kinda stuck with me my whole life, I guess. And this is what happens. I also hate E.T. I know he's supposed to be cute and it's supposed to be sad and all that, but after I watched it when I was a kid, I was scared to go outside at night for weeks. Possibly forever.
So, there it is. I hate space. I can't really help it. I mean, maybe we're supposed to hate it. Or maybe I just fear the unknown. And aliens.
Yeah, mostly aliens.
Well, it was. Kind of.
But anyway, getting down to the nitty-gritty...I hate space.
Yes, I know, we live in space. But that doesn't mean I have to like it.
I'm not really sure why I hate it so much. I think it's because it's all so unknown and gigantic. And kinda weird. I mean, Betelgeuse could've exploded 500 years ago and we won't know about it for another 100 years? What's that all about?
I mean, don't get me wrong. I like looking at stars and trying to find constellations as much as the next person. I found Scorpio once all by myself and got super excited. I just don't like the idea of it. I honestly get freaked out after looking at it for awhile, because I start to think about what's up there. Or who.
Which brings me to another reason I hate space: aliens. Maybe they're not real. But maybe, just maybe, they are. And what then? UFO sightings, Area 51, Roswell, all that stuff? It's terrifying. I think I'm so afraid because when I was little, my dad happened to be watching this movie about a man who gets abducted by aliens. He gets so scared when he gets back to Earth that he hides under tables to avoid being sucked up into their nasty larvae-filled space ship again. That's what I remember, at least.
But anyway, those thoughts have kinda stuck with me my whole life, I guess. And this is what happens. I also hate E.T. I know he's supposed to be cute and it's supposed to be sad and all that, but after I watched it when I was a kid, I was scared to go outside at night for weeks. Possibly forever.
So, there it is. I hate space. I can't really help it. I mean, maybe we're supposed to hate it. Or maybe I just fear the unknown. And aliens.
Yeah, mostly aliens.
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