Football

It's that time of the year again: Football season. Which also means it's time to throw up.

I know football is supposed to be "America's past-time" and all that, but to me, it's just boring. I mean, there's once in awhile when the guy will get the ball and run super fast down the entire field to get a touchdown, and that's exciting. But that's such a rare occurrence. Most of the time, it's large men throwing each other around, and only running half a yard before they get smooshed.

In high school, our football team sucked. I mean really sucked. One year, I think we didn't even win a game. Even to the team that we'd beaten for 25 years straight. And that was just awful.

I happened to be a cheerleader for football one year, and I didn't know what was up or down or offense or defense or anything. I don't even think I knew what a fumble was. And from all that time spent watching games while I was freezing my butt off, I still didn't learn anything.

Don't get me wrong. The Super Bowl is exciting. I mean, if not for the football, for the commercials and the half-time show and the fact that everyone in the country is watching it. But anything else-- this draft bologna, this college football garbage-- is just dead boring.

So, thanks a lot, America, for giving us such a lame past-time. Why don't we try being collective fans of something else? Like, say, the other kind of football. Now there's something to watch.