Unnecessary Sequels

I know you know what I'm talking about when I say that I hate unnecessary sequels. There's nothing worse than an unnecessary sequel to ruin your favorite movie. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate all sequels. Quite the contrary. Some sequels-- planned sequels-- can be awesome. But some, well...here's a list. You'll see what I mean.

Saw II through Saw VI- Because it's really necessary to make five more movies full of screaming and blood and gnawing off arms. Come to think of it, Saw I was pretty unnecessary, too.

Pirates of the Caribbean IV- This is my favorite cinematic series of all time. I should say, my favorite trilogy of all time. Because that's what it was supposed to be. But now here comes a number four. Dang. I mean, I love Johnny Depp to the end, but there's no Will or Elizabeth! You can't just cut people out. Come on, Gore Verbinski! Oh, wait, no Gore Verbinski? I rest my case.

Boondock Saints II- All Saints Day. Really? I don't remember much about this movie, but from what I remember, there was no reason to make a sequel. I mean, it's not like this was a huge summer blockbuster. It was sort of a cult hit, which don't usually demand sequels. But it's kind of like...

Donnie Darko II- I'm sorry, S. Darko. Donnie's little sister, apparently. I never saw it. I didn't like the depressing first one, I'm certainly not gonna watch the sequel. But, I mean, it did get a whopping 3.9 stars on IMDB...so maybe I should give it a chance.

Taxi Driver II- Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me? Yeah, I'm talking to you, Scorsese. This movie is 34 years old. Robert DeNiro is old and pudgy. Give it a rest.

Land Before Time II through XVII- Ok, so I don't really know how many Land Before Time movies there are. But, I mean, how many times can the entire dinosaur population die out?

Cinderella II, Pocohontas II, Lion King II, Disney sequels in general- There are a few exceptions. I mean, I can't really think of any right now... the point is, Disney just needs to stop.

So, there you go. Unnecessary sequels. Very, very unnecessary.

Football

It's that time of the year again: Football season. Which also means it's time to throw up.

I know football is supposed to be "America's past-time" and all that, but to me, it's just boring. I mean, there's once in awhile when the guy will get the ball and run super fast down the entire field to get a touchdown, and that's exciting. But that's such a rare occurrence. Most of the time, it's large men throwing each other around, and only running half a yard before they get smooshed.

In high school, our football team sucked. I mean really sucked. One year, I think we didn't even win a game. Even to the team that we'd beaten for 25 years straight. And that was just awful.

I happened to be a cheerleader for football one year, and I didn't know what was up or down or offense or defense or anything. I don't even think I knew what a fumble was. And from all that time spent watching games while I was freezing my butt off, I still didn't learn anything.

Don't get me wrong. The Super Bowl is exciting. I mean, if not for the football, for the commercials and the half-time show and the fact that everyone in the country is watching it. But anything else-- this draft bologna, this college football garbage-- is just dead boring.

So, thanks a lot, America, for giving us such a lame past-time. Why don't we try being collective fans of something else? Like, say, the other kind of football. Now there's something to watch.