Junk Mail

Who doesn't, right?

But, I mean, sometimes my Inbox gets full of spam. Like, last year, I got back from a week-long vacation, and I had like 80 messages in my email, most of which were spam.

And I don't care if they're stupid stuff. But I get ones from Viagra.

Viagra? Really?

1.) I am not an old man.

2.) I am not a sexually-frustrated man.

3.) I am not a man.

And the weirdest part is that the Viagra e-mails come from my own email address. No lie. It creeps me out. A lot.

Babies on Planes

I think they're worse than snakes on planes.

Ha ha.

I'd never had babies on my flights before. Well, there were toddlers, but they didn't cry or anything. But recently, on the way back from Georgia to Detroit, there were several babies. And they all cried. The whole entire time.

It was just fantastic.

I get sick and groggy on planes anyway, and the last thing I want to do is listen to babies scream. Seriously. I know it's not their fault, but it's still pretty annoying.

And then, on the way from Detroit back home, there was another baby. We were lucky enough to be sitting right in front of it. It was screaming its head off! I think it was really young, and its poor ears were probably popping and whatever else. It was kind of sad, almost. But still annoying.

Oh, and I use the word "it" because I don't know if it was a boy or a girl. Not because I'm just completely heartless.

We had four plane rides all together, two going down and two coming back. So, going down, we flew into Orlando. And on the way to Orlando, something strange happened (other than a ton of icky turbulance). It doesn't have to do with babies, but it does have to do with a little kid.

This little boy got up and went to the bathroom. He had been sitting in the seat in front of us. I had to go really bad and had already waited like six people, because I didn't want to get up and wait. But this time, I decided I was going to stand up and wait by the bathroom door to ensure myself a spot at the toilet.

So I stood up and I waited. And waited. And waited some more. I swore this kid fell in! I think I was standing up there for like six minutes. I started getting worried. I'm like, "Should I tell the flight attendant? What if he locked himself in?" But I guess he didn't. Because after about eight minutes (or, at least it felt like that long), he came out. The bathroom didn't smell bad or anything, either. So, whatever, kid.

Aww, the joys of flying.

I love that you can get places so quick, but there are so, so many things I hate about planes.

More to come later, I'm sure.

Brownies

Yes, ma'am, you heard right. I hate brownies.

I normally say I hate chocolate, but that's not completely true. I love hot chocolate and chocolate milk and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, and a few other select chocolaty treats, including Swiss chocolate! Yum!

Just not brownies.

I can't even stand the smell of them baking. It just smells so thick and chocolaty and I feel like, just from smelling it, the chocolate is going to sneak into your nostrils and harden into gooey treats right inside your nose.

Brownies are like heaven to some people. Most people, in fact. But not me. I want to like them, I really do, because they look delicious. But then I try them, and I realize they're not good at all. And I'm sorry if there's someone out there who makes the "best brownies ever." I'm sure they're scrumptious. Just keep them away from me.

What really grosses me out is when people eat, like, a brownie with chocolate ice cream on top, and hot fudge on top of that, and some chocolate chips thrown on. I just want to give them a glass of water. Or an insulin shot.

Just one bite of a brownie leaves that pure squishy chocolate taste inside my mouth and turn my spit brown and thick. So that's why I, personally, say 'no' to brownies.

Are you happy, world? More brownies for you.

Umbrellas

In honor of this rainy day, I will officially say that I hate umbrellas. There you go. It's down in writing. Virtual writing, even! This stuff doesn't go away!

Yes, umbrellas can be great. I mean, they come in some pretty awesome color schemes and patterns. And then there's the whole part about them keeping you dry in the pouring rain.

But even so, I hate them.

And here's why: because in these parts, it's windy. Super windy. RIDICULOUSLY WINDY! And umbrellas and wind do not mesh well together.

And by, "do not mesh well together," I mean, "do not mesh well at all."

I had this umbrella once, not anything great, but it was an umbrella, and it worked. I'd taken it up to school so that I could use it when I had to walk to class in the pouring rain. So it sat in my dorm room for a few months in the fall, until one day I decided to take it out. Here I am with my umbrella opened up, riding my bike back to my dorm from work, and all of a sudden, a gigantic gust of wind comes and turns my umbrella inside out! I struggled with it, trying to get it back to normal, but the spokes were already bent and broken and poking out in every direction.

So in the middle of the rainstorm, I had to put the umbrella down and try to stuff it in my backpack. Except putting a sopping wet umbrella that has spokes jutting out from it on every side in a backpack isn't really a smart idea. When I realized this, I decided to carry the umbrella the rest of the way home. And it was dripping on my foot every time I pedaled. But, I mean, since it was pouring down rain, those water droplets on my shoes didn't really matter much.

This was only one instance of umbrella madness. I have a feeling this happened to me once before this, but I don't remember the gory details. All I remember is wondering why I would want to tote an umbrella around if it's just going to break on me. I'd rather be soaking wet.

Umbrellas may work for Mary Poppins, but they sure as heck don't work for me.