Jean Skirts

I am a firm believer that unless you're between the ages of 1 and 17, you should
not wear jean skirts.

Don't get me wrong. I used to wear them.

In high school, I had this one that was dark denim with stars on it that I wore with half-tights and Converse that I thought was just the coolest thing ever. But I was in high school, so that was okay.

I see women wearing jean skirts, and they're in their twenties or thirties or sometimes even forties, and I just think they look tacky.

I can't really explain why.

Maybe it's because denim looks so very '90s unless it's in the form of jeans.

Maybe it's because sometimes they're super short and have ruffles or fringe coming out the bottom.

Or because sometimes they're floor-length or pencil style.

Or because sometimes women decide to pair them with a matching jean jacket.

But I think the main reason I hate jean skirts is because they're made for high school girls and toddlers. It all comes back around to that.

They aren't fashionable at all, they're very, very hot, and they don't move very well.

And to tell you the truth, they look a little bit trashy. No one ever looked classy in a jean skirt.






Now that's classy.

Bowling

Maybe I'm just too bowled out, if that's a thing.

In high school, there was nothing to do in my town besides bowl and watch movies. So those were the two things we did. I never got sick of movies, but I definitely got sick of bowling.

The thing is, I like going bowling. I like the idea of it. I like the neon shoes and the hot pink bowling balls.

But I hate actually bowling.

I used to have fun. Then I was good for about one and a half games. Then just one. Now, none. I just don't bowl. I don't enjoy it, and it took me a while to realize this.

If you say you hate bowling, people kind of look at you like you have purple hair or propellers coming out of your head.

Which is to say, they look at you like you're very weird.

But I just hate it. Lucky for me, my boyfriend hates it, too, so we've taken to playing arcade games at the bowling alley instead. Which is great, because Skee-Ball is my favorite thing ever.

But, back to bowling. First of all, I'm so, so weak, so I use an 8 pound ball.

I'm pretty sure these were designed for little kids.

Little girls.

Below the age of, like, five. But that's what I use.

And then the very next day, my arm is killing me. That's how weak I am.

And I suck at bowling. Which isn't why I hate it. There are plenty of other reasons for that.

I'm only good if I can use bumpers. Or one of those aim-helper things. But what's even better is using both.

I never break 100. Heck, I never break 50. But I once knew someone (my sister) who got a score of 8. So I guess I'm better than that.

But, the real reason I hate bowling is that it's boring. Seriously. Just plain boring.

I don't consider it a sport and I certainly can't believe people watch it on TV. The only time it's exciting for me is when I get a really bad gutter ball or throw the ball into another lane or get a strike. But people who go bowling a lot get strikes all the time, so I really don't see what's so exciting about it.

So, yes, I'll go to a bowling alley. But don't expect me to bowl. I'll sit there and eat free popcorn and listen to music. Or play Skee-Ball and win prizes. Last time, my boyfriend and I won like 35 tickets and the only thing we could get was a foam airplane and a disguise. And it was still better than bowling.

Beach Balls

Alright, they're fine at the beach.

But as soon as you start bringing those bouncy, inflatable spheres into concerts, it creates an entire stream of irritation.

There is nothing worse than being at a concert and standing in the front row, enjoying yourself, and then having a giant ball land on your head.

So many times, I've wanted to pop them. When they come my way, I don't throw them back. Or I do. But when I do, I just punch the beach ball to get it away from me. But then it always comes back.

I want to step right on those beach balls and pop them into a million pieces of plastic. Throwing a beach ball around at a concert is not fun.

It's not exciting.

It's annoying.

They're called beach balls for a reason. Please keep them there.

The saying, "That's Legit," or any derivation of it

"Legit" does not mean cool.

Yet, for some reason, I keep hearing it used for that. Everywhere I go.

Instead of "this band is really cool," it's, "this band is pretty legit!"

And I might just pull my hair out of my head.

"Legit" comes from the word "legitimate," which means "lawful," "genuine," "normal," or "born in wedlock."

None of these things, last time I checked, meant cool.

So I really wish people would stop using it for that.

I cannot explain how much I cringe and shudder when I hear someone say this. It honestly drives me up the moon. Which is much, much higher than being driven up a wall.

"This contest is pretty legit."

Is it? Is it really? Is it legal? Is it really, truly a contest?

Because I'm pretty sure that is not what you meant to say.

I wish people would know what they were saying before they said it. Using this word for slang is ridiculous, and I wish, oh I wish, it would stop.

And to the person who first began using "legit" to mean "cool," if I ever meet you, I will punch you in the face.

And that's a legitimate threat.

ESPN

The only time, and I mean only time ESPN is good is when it's airing the World Cup.

Yes, America, that's right. The World Cup.

Soccer.

Not basketball. Not football. Certainly not baseball.

I often work cashier at a cafeteria, and it's incredibly boring, except for the fact that we can have the TV on and watch it across the room. But every time I'm working, and really into something interesting, like Nancy Grace, some big football player of a guy gets up and turns the channel.

Each and every time, I hope he'll change it to something else. Like, maybe, Top Model reruns. But that would be really weird.

So here comes ESPN and a bunch of talking heads in sports coats sitting around a table, talking about the latest fourteen-year-old basketball prodigy.

Which is cool. Go him.

But really? This is TV?

And why is Sports Center always on? Is that the only show ESPN has?

Wait, I'll answer the question.

Yes, it is!

And if it's not, I'd be surprised.

Because every time that football player changes the channel, the sidebar comes up and people start spitting about baseball players and steroids.

The Term "Running Errands"

"What are you doing?"

That is the question.

And so often, the answer is, "Running errands."

I usually avoid this term at all costs, but I caught myself using it the other day. And it really made me think.

What is an errand?

I understand the term "running miles." I understand "running races." But "running errands?" What does that even mean?

And by the way, when you say you're "running" errands, I assume you're actually driving, not running. So the whole term is out of whack.

Mr. Webster defines an errand as: a short and quick trip to accomplish a specific purpose, as to buy something, deliver a package, or convey a message, often for someone else.

So why are we so cryptic about what we're doing? Why not just say, "I'm going to the bank" or "I have to go to the post office to mail some letters"? Why give these things such a secret term?

If a giant, car-eating dinosaur jumped out of the shrubbery and devoured your vehicle, it might be helpful for someone to know what your path of travel was.

But if you tell your loved ones you're "running errands," they may never find out. You could be anywhere, and by the time they search all over town, you're most likely going to be in that dinosaur's digestive track.

So, it may take an extra two minutes to say, "I'm going to buy milk" or "I have to cash my check." And the person that asked you might not care what exactly you're doing.

But, hey. They asked.

Bad Drivers

Let me start out by saying that I am, by no means, a good driver. But at least I know how to drive. I know the difference between a stop sign and a stop light. I know that both of them mean "STOP." I know that you do not turn left when there is a car going straight right in front of you. There are just some things I know. And I may drive like a grandma and sometimes pull up on curbs, but at least I can move down the road without causing an accident.

But there are some people who just don't get it.

Like last month, for example. I was driving straight down the road, when someone decided to turn left in front of me! It was pretty icy out, and I had to swerve to the left a little bit to miss them, because I couldn't stop. And then then just looked straight ahead like nothing happened, and if anything did happen, it certainly wasn't their fault.

And then the other day, I was stopped at a red light, and all of a sudden, this guy stops next to me, sees that nothing is coming, and decides to go. Go?! It's RED! It isn't a stop sign, it's a red light! And last time I checked, red meant "Stop until it turns green!" But, no, not for this guy. Not for this other guy, either, a couple months ago, who just railed right past the red light without stopping at all.

One more thing that happened just recently happened in a parking lot, another thing that I hate. Anyway, I was driving straight into the parking lot at Wal Mart, and there's a stop sign for people coming out of the parking lot. I went to turn left into the parking lot, and there was a girl coming straight out of the parking lot. Thinking she would stop at her stop sign, I started to turn. But she didn't stop. So I hit my brakes, and thankfully no one was behind me. And then she pulls ahead, slows to nearly a stop next to me, and then glares at me, like I'm the stupid one!

Well, guess what, world?

I'm not!

I know how to drive down the road without pulling out in front of people. I know how to stop. I know when to turn and when not to. And I also don't honk at people randomly when they don't do anything wrong (which happens too often). But that's a whole different story...