Beach Balls

Alright, they're fine at the beach.

But as soon as you start bringing those bouncy, inflatable spheres into concerts, it creates an entire stream of irritation.

There is nothing worse than being at a concert and standing in the front row, enjoying yourself, and then having a giant ball land on your head.

So many times, I've wanted to pop them. When they come my way, I don't throw them back. Or I do. But when I do, I just punch the beach ball to get it away from me. But then it always comes back.

I want to step right on those beach balls and pop them into a million pieces of plastic. Throwing a beach ball around at a concert is not fun.

It's not exciting.

It's annoying.

They're called beach balls for a reason. Please keep them there.

The saying, "That's Legit," or any derivation of it

"Legit" does not mean cool.

Yet, for some reason, I keep hearing it used for that. Everywhere I go.

Instead of "this band is really cool," it's, "this band is pretty legit!"

And I might just pull my hair out of my head.

"Legit" comes from the word "legitimate," which means "lawful," "genuine," "normal," or "born in wedlock."

None of these things, last time I checked, meant cool.

So I really wish people would stop using it for that.

I cannot explain how much I cringe and shudder when I hear someone say this. It honestly drives me up the moon. Which is much, much higher than being driven up a wall.

"This contest is pretty legit."

Is it? Is it really? Is it legal? Is it really, truly a contest?

Because I'm pretty sure that is not what you meant to say.

I wish people would know what they were saying before they said it. Using this word for slang is ridiculous, and I wish, oh I wish, it would stop.

And to the person who first began using "legit" to mean "cool," if I ever meet you, I will punch you in the face.

And that's a legitimate threat.

ESPN

The only time, and I mean only time ESPN is good is when it's airing the World Cup.

Yes, America, that's right. The World Cup.

Soccer.

Not basketball. Not football. Certainly not baseball.

I often work cashier at a cafeteria, and it's incredibly boring, except for the fact that we can have the TV on and watch it across the room. But every time I'm working, and really into something interesting, like Nancy Grace, some big football player of a guy gets up and turns the channel.

Each and every time, I hope he'll change it to something else. Like, maybe, Top Model reruns. But that would be really weird.

So here comes ESPN and a bunch of talking heads in sports coats sitting around a table, talking about the latest fourteen-year-old basketball prodigy.

Which is cool. Go him.

But really? This is TV?

And why is Sports Center always on? Is that the only show ESPN has?

Wait, I'll answer the question.

Yes, it is!

And if it's not, I'd be surprised.

Because every time that football player changes the channel, the sidebar comes up and people start spitting about baseball players and steroids.

The Term "Running Errands"

"What are you doing?"

That is the question.

And so often, the answer is, "Running errands."

I usually avoid this term at all costs, but I caught myself using it the other day. And it really made me think.

What is an errand?

I understand the term "running miles." I understand "running races." But "running errands?" What does that even mean?

And by the way, when you say you're "running" errands, I assume you're actually driving, not running. So the whole term is out of whack.

Mr. Webster defines an errand as: a short and quick trip to accomplish a specific purpose, as to buy something, deliver a package, or convey a message, often for someone else.

So why are we so cryptic about what we're doing? Why not just say, "I'm going to the bank" or "I have to go to the post office to mail some letters"? Why give these things such a secret term?

If a giant, car-eating dinosaur jumped out of the shrubbery and devoured your vehicle, it might be helpful for someone to know what your path of travel was.

But if you tell your loved ones you're "running errands," they may never find out. You could be anywhere, and by the time they search all over town, you're most likely going to be in that dinosaur's digestive track.

So, it may take an extra two minutes to say, "I'm going to buy milk" or "I have to cash my check." And the person that asked you might not care what exactly you're doing.

But, hey. They asked.

Bad Drivers

Let me start out by saying that I am, by no means, a good driver. But at least I know how to drive. I know the difference between a stop sign and a stop light. I know that both of them mean "STOP." I know that you do not turn left when there is a car going straight right in front of you. There are just some things I know. And I may drive like a grandma and sometimes pull up on curbs, but at least I can move down the road without causing an accident.

But there are some people who just don't get it.

Like last month, for example. I was driving straight down the road, when someone decided to turn left in front of me! It was pretty icy out, and I had to swerve to the left a little bit to miss them, because I couldn't stop. And then then just looked straight ahead like nothing happened, and if anything did happen, it certainly wasn't their fault.

And then the other day, I was stopped at a red light, and all of a sudden, this guy stops next to me, sees that nothing is coming, and decides to go. Go?! It's RED! It isn't a stop sign, it's a red light! And last time I checked, red meant "Stop until it turns green!" But, no, not for this guy. Not for this other guy, either, a couple months ago, who just railed right past the red light without stopping at all.

One more thing that happened just recently happened in a parking lot, another thing that I hate. Anyway, I was driving straight into the parking lot at Wal Mart, and there's a stop sign for people coming out of the parking lot. I went to turn left into the parking lot, and there was a girl coming straight out of the parking lot. Thinking she would stop at her stop sign, I started to turn. But she didn't stop. So I hit my brakes, and thankfully no one was behind me. And then she pulls ahead, slows to nearly a stop next to me, and then glares at me, like I'm the stupid one!

Well, guess what, world?

I'm not!

I know how to drive down the road without pulling out in front of people. I know how to stop. I know when to turn and when not to. And I also don't honk at people randomly when they don't do anything wrong (which happens too often). But that's a whole different story...

Unlikeable Narrators

Ok, so I'm a writer. And if you're not a writer or a reader, you probably won't get this. But it's something that just makes me angry.

The number one rule for writing fiction is...well, it's "Write about what you know," if you ask most people.

But the other most important rule is "Love your characters."

And the thing is, some authors don't.

I read a book this summer (young adult fiction, of course, because that's my thing), and I thought it'd be really fun, easy, beach reading. However, it wasn't fun. It was awful.

I guess I won't name the author or book title, because assuming my blog ever becomes a viral hit and this author comes across it, I don't want to hurt her feelings. But I'll say what it's about. It's about this girl who has gotten to college, and decides she doesn't want to go, and she packs up and moves back home. And then, throughout the entire book, she lays around the house and whines and complains, even though her dad is super nice, and doesn't even make her get a job until the middle of the book. Oh, and here's another really winning part: Her mother lives in Europe, and she whines and complains when her mother asks her if she wants to live in Europe with her! Are you kidding me? You get a free trip to Europe and you complain about it?

So I read through the whole book, thinking this girl was going to find her ultimate dream and go achieve it. But really, she gets a job, visits some friends, rekindles some relationships with her siblings, but continues to be a huge brat.

And then, I just read this historical fiction book for class. It's from the point of view of this slaver's wife, and so I understand why the character wouldn't exactly be likeable. I mean, she's got it in her mind that slavery is good, blah, blah, blah. So I can see that. But it's very clear that the author doesn't even love this character. In fact, on the back of the book, she calls this character "monstrously self-absorbed."

Monstrously self-absorbed?! That's not how you talk about your characters!

Go ahead and make the most awful character you want. I'm fine with it. Voldemort is pretty awful. But I'm not reading a book from his point of view!

But the second you write a narrator who's a miserable, monstrous person, then I don't want to read it! And if you do make a terrible character, at least have some qualities you like about them.

Please. Ugh.

Just love your characters!

Texting in Class

I'm not a professor. But I'm a senior, and sometimes, especially in classes with freshmen and sophomores, I feel like a professor. And I really get annoyed by these people sometimes, because they have no idea how to behave in class. Often, they text during the discussion.

I can't stand that clicking noise. It's so loud. At least try to be a little discrete.

Oh, but, wait. The thing is, they do try to be discrete. They hold their phones underneath their desks. Because it doesn't look suspicious when you're sitting there staring at your lap. A little weird? Yes. Suspicious? Also, yes.

So I hate it. It's not like I get very distracted over it. I just think it's very disrespectful. And kinda dumb, since you're paying tens of thousands of dollars to be in class.

But I guess that's why I'm a senior, and that's why I do well in my classes. Because I have a long enough attention span to sit through 2 hours without texting "lol" and "asap" and "c u l8er" to my friends.

Gosh, I feel kinda old...