ESPN

The only time, and I mean only time ESPN is good is when it's airing the World Cup.

Yes, America, that's right. The World Cup.

Soccer.

Not basketball. Not football. Certainly not baseball.

I often work cashier at a cafeteria, and it's incredibly boring, except for the fact that we can have the TV on and watch it across the room. But every time I'm working, and really into something interesting, like Nancy Grace, some big football player of a guy gets up and turns the channel.

Each and every time, I hope he'll change it to something else. Like, maybe, Top Model reruns. But that would be really weird.

So here comes ESPN and a bunch of talking heads in sports coats sitting around a table, talking about the latest fourteen-year-old basketball prodigy.

Which is cool. Go him.

But really? This is TV?

And why is Sports Center always on? Is that the only show ESPN has?

Wait, I'll answer the question.

Yes, it is!

And if it's not, I'd be surprised.

Because every time that football player changes the channel, the sidebar comes up and people start spitting about baseball players and steroids.

The Term "Running Errands"

"What are you doing?"

That is the question.

And so often, the answer is, "Running errands."

I usually avoid this term at all costs, but I caught myself using it the other day. And it really made me think.

What is an errand?

I understand the term "running miles." I understand "running races." But "running errands?" What does that even mean?

And by the way, when you say you're "running" errands, I assume you're actually driving, not running. So the whole term is out of whack.

Mr. Webster defines an errand as: a short and quick trip to accomplish a specific purpose, as to buy something, deliver a package, or convey a message, often for someone else.

So why are we so cryptic about what we're doing? Why not just say, "I'm going to the bank" or "I have to go to the post office to mail some letters"? Why give these things such a secret term?

If a giant, car-eating dinosaur jumped out of the shrubbery and devoured your vehicle, it might be helpful for someone to know what your path of travel was.

But if you tell your loved ones you're "running errands," they may never find out. You could be anywhere, and by the time they search all over town, you're most likely going to be in that dinosaur's digestive track.

So, it may take an extra two minutes to say, "I'm going to buy milk" or "I have to cash my check." And the person that asked you might not care what exactly you're doing.

But, hey. They asked.

Bad Drivers

Let me start out by saying that I am, by no means, a good driver. But at least I know how to drive. I know the difference between a stop sign and a stop light. I know that both of them mean "STOP." I know that you do not turn left when there is a car going straight right in front of you. There are just some things I know. And I may drive like a grandma and sometimes pull up on curbs, but at least I can move down the road without causing an accident.

But there are some people who just don't get it.

Like last month, for example. I was driving straight down the road, when someone decided to turn left in front of me! It was pretty icy out, and I had to swerve to the left a little bit to miss them, because I couldn't stop. And then then just looked straight ahead like nothing happened, and if anything did happen, it certainly wasn't their fault.

And then the other day, I was stopped at a red light, and all of a sudden, this guy stops next to me, sees that nothing is coming, and decides to go. Go?! It's RED! It isn't a stop sign, it's a red light! And last time I checked, red meant "Stop until it turns green!" But, no, not for this guy. Not for this other guy, either, a couple months ago, who just railed right past the red light without stopping at all.

One more thing that happened just recently happened in a parking lot, another thing that I hate. Anyway, I was driving straight into the parking lot at Wal Mart, and there's a stop sign for people coming out of the parking lot. I went to turn left into the parking lot, and there was a girl coming straight out of the parking lot. Thinking she would stop at her stop sign, I started to turn. But she didn't stop. So I hit my brakes, and thankfully no one was behind me. And then she pulls ahead, slows to nearly a stop next to me, and then glares at me, like I'm the stupid one!

Well, guess what, world?

I'm not!

I know how to drive down the road without pulling out in front of people. I know how to stop. I know when to turn and when not to. And I also don't honk at people randomly when they don't do anything wrong (which happens too often). But that's a whole different story...

Unlikeable Narrators

Ok, so I'm a writer. And if you're not a writer or a reader, you probably won't get this. But it's something that just makes me angry.

The number one rule for writing fiction is...well, it's "Write about what you know," if you ask most people.

But the other most important rule is "Love your characters."

And the thing is, some authors don't.

I read a book this summer (young adult fiction, of course, because that's my thing), and I thought it'd be really fun, easy, beach reading. However, it wasn't fun. It was awful.

I guess I won't name the author or book title, because assuming my blog ever becomes a viral hit and this author comes across it, I don't want to hurt her feelings. But I'll say what it's about. It's about this girl who has gotten to college, and decides she doesn't want to go, and she packs up and moves back home. And then, throughout the entire book, she lays around the house and whines and complains, even though her dad is super nice, and doesn't even make her get a job until the middle of the book. Oh, and here's another really winning part: Her mother lives in Europe, and she whines and complains when her mother asks her if she wants to live in Europe with her! Are you kidding me? You get a free trip to Europe and you complain about it?

So I read through the whole book, thinking this girl was going to find her ultimate dream and go achieve it. But really, she gets a job, visits some friends, rekindles some relationships with her siblings, but continues to be a huge brat.

And then, I just read this historical fiction book for class. It's from the point of view of this slaver's wife, and so I understand why the character wouldn't exactly be likeable. I mean, she's got it in her mind that slavery is good, blah, blah, blah. So I can see that. But it's very clear that the author doesn't even love this character. In fact, on the back of the book, she calls this character "monstrously self-absorbed."

Monstrously self-absorbed?! That's not how you talk about your characters!

Go ahead and make the most awful character you want. I'm fine with it. Voldemort is pretty awful. But I'm not reading a book from his point of view!

But the second you write a narrator who's a miserable, monstrous person, then I don't want to read it! And if you do make a terrible character, at least have some qualities you like about them.

Please. Ugh.

Just love your characters!

Texting in Class

I'm not a professor. But I'm a senior, and sometimes, especially in classes with freshmen and sophomores, I feel like a professor. And I really get annoyed by these people sometimes, because they have no idea how to behave in class. Often, they text during the discussion.

I can't stand that clicking noise. It's so loud. At least try to be a little discrete.

Oh, but, wait. The thing is, they do try to be discrete. They hold their phones underneath their desks. Because it doesn't look suspicious when you're sitting there staring at your lap. A little weird? Yes. Suspicious? Also, yes.

So I hate it. It's not like I get very distracted over it. I just think it's very disrespectful. And kinda dumb, since you're paying tens of thousands of dollars to be in class.

But I guess that's why I'm a senior, and that's why I do well in my classes. Because I have a long enough attention span to sit through 2 hours without texting "lol" and "asap" and "c u l8er" to my friends.

Gosh, I feel kinda old...

Internet Connection

Here it is. Something else I hate. And this one, I hate very, very much.

As a matter of fact, while I was typing this, my internet decided to cut out. Thank you, Charter! Last night, I was freaking out about how much I hate computers (when in reality I meant the internet), and I said I was going to blog about it. And my sister so comically replied, "If you can get online."

Because here's the deal with my internet: sometimes, out of nowhere, it will disconnect. Magically. All by itself. Which may be my fault, because I did name my wireless router Harry Potter. And it could be doing spells to shut itself down.

But somehow I doubt that.

I'll be in the middle of something really important, like watching America's Next Top Model online, and my internet will just stop. I'll see this little flashing red light on my router, telling me to prepare to freak out. So I'll unplug all my internet hardware. And I'll leave it unplugged for thirty seconds, just like Charter always tells me to do. And when I plug it back in and expect it to work, it doesn't.

Just great.

And what else is just special, is when I try to call Charter about my internet, and sit on hold for an hour. I'm not kidding. One hour. To be told to unplug my stuff and plug it back in. And it works for two days, or in the last case, two hours. And then it stops.

So, tired of waiting on hold (and they don't even have music, they have talking advertisements), I decided to chat with them online. But how am I supposed to chat with them online when my internet isn't working?!

It's a vicious, vicious cycle.

And other than internet connection, I don't have much of a problem with the internet. In fact, I love many of the web sites the internet provides me with. I mean, I can Google anything I want, and I can get up-to-the-minute news on celebrities. And I have this really cool weather widgit on my desktop. So, besides the disgusting message boards that show pictures of skinned animals, the internet's great. If only you didn't have to connect to it...

Let's see if my connection holds up long enough to post this...

Computers

Now don't get me wrong. I'm thankful for technology, and how far we've come over the years. But nothing makes me more angry than dealing with computers! Because no matter how good a computer is, it always, ALWAYS screws up somehow.

I hate nothing more than frozen computers. When my laptop freezes up (which thankfully hasn't happened much with my new one), I tend to beat on the keys. As if this is really going to help. Let's be honest, it doesn't help at all. In fact, it probably contributes to the crapiness that is my laptop. But something this stupid deserves to be beaten.

Another reason why I hate computers is that they enjoy crashing. When I was little, I somehow burnt up our computer monitor. For real. I was on it, and it started ticking, and next thing I knew, there were flames in the side of it. And what did I do? Nothing. Now, I know this isn't a computer per se, but it's close enough. If you need another example of computers crashing for the fun of it, I had a laptop my freshman year, and right before school started my sophomore year, the hard drive decided to blow up. Well, not technically, but you get the point. My computer was just blue every time I turned it on. It was lovely. And then I had to get a new hard drive put in, which was a step up in Windows, and everything was messed up and I didn't know how to use it.

The next thing I hate that has to do with computers is...

Well, that's a story all of it's own. You'll see.